In the cool of the morning I sit and reflect upon the connections that I have right now. I wonder why I have chosen to let some die off and nurture others? Did I mistake someone's callousness for intentional harm? Did I misunderstand someone's curiosity and believe it to be adoration?
In magick we believe that we create our own realities. This extends far beyond the marvelous blend of energies that become rituals and into the simplest of choices: who to keep as friends and who to let float away on the river of time. In pondering the ties that anchor, bind, and support I wonder if my natal moon being in my 12th house has made it so that I cannot trust my heart's voice when it comes to choosing people to love? Or maybe because the 12th house rules the dissolution of boundaries I can trust my heart more than anything else to lead me to the purest sources of love and support?
As I pause to reflect upon the people who are in my life now, I wonder if I've missed some major clue in how to define what is good for me. They are not toxic people, nor are they people that I regret knowing, but they do not tend to understand my emotional self. I'm sure that everyone has met people in their lives who "just get them", right? You know, those people that when someone asks why you're smiling, you say "They just understand me, that's all." I wonder if even THAT perception is merely a by product of a reality that we create to make ourselves feel more comforted, more secure and supported? How can we trust our perceptions of emotional connections when they can be clouded by so many different things? Different things like: your state of mind at the time, the other person's state of mind, your mood, the circumstances in which you met, the first impressions that you had of each other... all of these can be influenced by so many things that in the end it all feels like a by-product of the Wyrd.
My current magickal process is about being aware of the emotional connections that I have, what they give me, and how I can be more honest about relating to them in ways that feed my spirit and my heart. Thus I am walking through both the current astrological transits, and my natal astrological chart to gain insight into how I pick my relationships.
Neptune rules illusion, fantasy, dreams.. Mercury rules communication, connections, clans, and commonalities or patterns. I have a Neptune-Mercury conjunction in Scorpio in my chart .. in my 6th house of service and health. This means that I am very affected physically by the type of people I surround myself with, that's a fairly serious implication from picking unhealthy connections.
The Moon rules emotions, intuition, and psychic energies. Having a natal Moon in Gemini means that dealing with my own feelings is a battle, nurturing the feelings of others is even more of a challenge, and being restless and curious all the time leaves me exhausted, lost, and often craving a quiet place of solitude where I can hear my own heart.
The ties that bind are those that bog me down with endless emotional drama. Relating to the world through the eyes of emotion for me is a curious thing at best, and a draining thing at worst. Yet, with balance the ties that bind can become the ties that anchor, and for someone with a Moon in Gemini that is a vital thing.
The ties that anchor are those that patiently wait while I dance the anxiety, irritability, and frustrations out of my system and simmer down to a point where I can easily exchange both ideas and emotional support. These blessed individuals don't take my mood swings personally, they don't over-react to my wild ideas, and they lovingly encourage me to flesh out the things that seem to reccur in my mental meanderings.
The ties that support are the ones that express value in what I have created and shared. These exciting people ask questions, explore ideas, and add information and insight to my endless mental adventures into the metaphysical. Where, then, shall I plot a course for the people who will help me keep my inner worlds balanced and my outer worlds healthy and interesting?
