Yuletide Eve

In the silence of an early morning, I watch the light rising over a hushed, snow covered land. Gently, snowflakes dance toward the ground. As they fall they whisper to me "all will be well, IxChel."

The last two weeks have been emotionally and logistically chaotic. Between a 2nd degree initiation, working in a software company whose primary market is Wall Street, and having a family and a home to participate in for the holidays I've been feeling like a combination marathon and relay runner.

For an HPs, initiations renew the initiaory and magickal currents within. They tend to ebb as time wears on, and each initiation is a little softer on the internal works... but any initiation of an HP or HPs is very intense and rare. Thus those events will tear through one like a bottle of Drano, and though welcomed, do create a bit of chaos.

Taking that chaotic energy and trying to build a solid emotional foundation on top of it is a bit of a challenge. Though not impossible, it is tricky. I need to keep the energy surges hidden from the view of the muggles, while monitoring my water intake and food choices. Exercise would have been a good choice throughout the past two weeks, but I just didn't have the physical energy to get out of bed at 5 am and walk on the treadmill.

I am finding that the Uranus-Saturn opposition and the T-Square with the Sun and Mars have been causing an already emotionally charged Wall Street to become positively rediculous. The people who work in the financials were already rude, selfish, and painfully self-absorbed.. but the recent "drop" along with the hectic planetary energies has made them all into babbling children who are afraid to try anything for fear one small step will ruin their already shaky careers. Knowing that the planetary energies were going to amplify this experience, I did make it through the past two weeks fairly smoothly, much more smoothly than I expected to anyway. There were some rough spots, and I did hear more positive -joking expressions of Mars or Uranus energies than I thought I would.. but overall it was like being on a log flume ride where the water is boiling hot. You're grateful for being in the log, but the hot water splashing up around you is not welcomed.

Now, Yuletide eve is here and it's snowing. The winter blanket covers all the little, prickly, frozen blades of grass. It hides all the ugly brown muddy spots, and brings a welcomed deadening of all the harsh cracking and howling sounds that the wind makes as it blows through the trees and the ice. Mother earth rests, and so do I.

Now is the time when time slows down a bit. When the books that pile up over the warmer months start to get finished, and the writing gets polished and finished off.

Gently, the snowflakes remind me that I too am made of the elements, and thus I must take the time to float, time to think and feel without pressure, and time to just do nothing but rest.

Water grows colder in the winter, so too do our trivial connections. Our emotional bodies create a layer of ice around them and our emotional energies are turned inward to nurture our selves and our closest friends.

The earth freezes in the winter, preventing growth. The body's energy dies back and demands rest, thus we heal the areas that need attention.

The air becomes crisp and cutting, and we must work to remember not to let our words follow that lead.

And fire becomes our friend in the winter. Heat and warmth are the sacred sisters of survival. We huddle and cling to the things that keep ours spirits up, our energies high.

Thus Yule is a celebration of fire, of warmth, of the rising of the light. In our most base natures, we long for the sun and to ritualize it's birth is to nurture the fire within us all to ensure our survival throughout these cold winter months.

I honor all who walk the paths laid down by their ancestors, and by the elders of this new tradition who have gone before us. Thank you for keeping the fires of magick alive, thank you for digging up the old ways and renewing them for us so that we too can honor the rising of the light. I am grateful for your sacred sacrifices.

Full Moon on it's way...

As I sit here and feel my way through the astrological energies of the Full Moon I wonder how much of our magickal power is restricted by our own fears of being seen as being limited?

Saturn in Virgo opposed Uranus in Pisces. Thus we have two astrological powerhouses sitting opposite each other in signs that are mutable in nature... and oddly difficult to label and isolate in terms of magickal energies. One could argue that Saturn in virgo is a traditional viewpoint on health and human services.. but that's not really a digestible format for magickal working.... it needs a simpler definition for spellwork.

Uranus in Pisces heralds a time when humanity reshapes their relationship with Spirituality and divine love. However, this is a long process.. not something that represents a tightly defined scope of work.

Add Pluto in Capricorn, the influence of the God of change sitting in the realm of established norms and traditional structures and you've got quite a revolutionary environment for magickal working.

Bring in the T-Square relationship of the Sun-Mercury-Mars stellium in Sagittarius to the Saturn-Uranus opposition and you've got a hell-raising bundle of raging energies looking for a plan to change the world, or at least make dramatic changes to the existing establishments. Given that the stellium is 90 degrees from the opposition, there is some measure of a "tough coaching" feeling to this energy pattern rather than a "that's enough and I'm through with this now." pattern.

I look back upon the historical figures of the occult and magick and wonder how they used these energies.. what lessons did they learn about these types of situations that allowed them to make the most of these powerful energies? These types of energies NEED an outlet, and if one is not voluntarily given to them, they will undoubtedly force their way out of one's self.

Gently is not a way that we proceed with this cauldron of simmering change. It is very much like any story, myth, or legend around the great Goddess Hekate... or around Eris or Oya... these are Goddesses who offer us the lessons of change and how powerful an impact it has on the mentality of a human being. We fear change, thus we tend to fear the Goddesses of change.. is that really the true path? I don't think so.

Feeling my way through these energies what I see is something like a roller coaster to a kid. It's a challenging thing, representing a partially frightening experience of going very fast and losing one's center around the dips and turns. But in the end there is this great feeling of exhilaration when we land in the starting house and realize that it was all OK because we allowed ourselves to make the journey. Of course, anyone who has ridden a roller coaster has experienced the first time feeling of being trapped on this monsterous machine without any way to get off before the scary stuff starts. Standing on this side of the Full Moon feels a little bit like that, though having ridden many roller coasters in my time I will be employing the age-old strategy of coping by letting go and feeling the exhilaration of surviving each unexpected dip and turn!

Of course, if one were to examine my natal chart, they'd see that this T-Square\Opposition pattern sits on top of an identical pattern in my chart. *wry smile* So I'm well aware that I have no choice in the matter, and I will take this journey whether I like it or not...

I am, as it were, strapped into the first car on the roller coaster. And thus, I am facing the fear of being seen as limited or unable to handle the drastic and unpredictable changes that these energies can bring. However, I have magick, and through that vehicle I can express my fears and move beyond them to give these energies an outlet that will create a world of fun and exhilaration. So.. in the end the roller coaster is magickal work.. and the planetary energies are the engine that pushes it along the track at high speeds.

Being an HPs sucks...

I'm not sure if anyone else who is an HPs ever tells the general populace how bad it can suck, but I'm going to. It sucks. Let me tell you why:

1) People come to you when they want something: of course they do! Tis your job fair servant of the Goddess! But I am human, like all of us, and the funny thing is that people often forget that when they're lining up day after day to ask how to celebrate the esbats & the sabbats the right way, to ask you how to translate their latest astrological transits, to ask if you've spoken to their dear aunt rita lately. You get the idea. You start to feel like a dispenser after a while instead of a human. Is service noble? Sure it is! Does it suck sometimes, absolutely!

2) People put you on a pedestal made up of their own issues: Is it my role to be the whipping post, the target for target practice as they shoot at their fears? You bet it is!! If I say one word incorrectly, don't frame all of my advice in loving words, don't offer up hours of support for some emotional crises then I am a selfish, egocentric, power hungry bitch who is just in this for the fame. WHAT?? Oh yeah, it's awesome when you take one of our 10 vacation days to go and be "of service" to someone and wind up at the end of the day being the target for their aggression and judgement because they wanted you to behave a certain way or make them look impressive. Oh the joys.

3) The energies of the divine spirit move as they will, even when you're in traffic! Yep! Do we learn how to ground out and handle it? Yep. Is is scary as hell the first time you zone out at a stoplight and have some rude asshole in the back of you honk their horn? oh yeah! As a servant of the divine, I have been hollowed out to receive their will. They operate on a totally different timeline than humans do, so they tend to send messages at odd times. IT's not deadly, just a little unsettling until you get used to it.

4) Me time often times turns into WE time. When you are lucky enough to find another Wiccan Priest or Priestess who is emotionally mature enough to recognize that you're human and like company and a compassionate listening ear, often times your conversations turn to their challenges and issues faster than you can say "I was reading my cards..." True, you are lucky enough to have someone to talk to, yes they do care about you enough to listen. But at the end of day it's a lonely place to be in service to the Gods and feeling like the burden of translating the messages the right way in bumper to bumper traffic is never going to lift.

Now that I've vented about how much being an HPs sucks, I will talk about why it doesn't suck to ensure balance.

I get to listen to spirits. It's cool, they tell the truth (from their point of view). They tell me things that no one expects me to know. It's like being in my own private club. Other religious leaders (Spiritualists mostly) get to talk to spirits too.. but not many other religions encourage it. I think that's cool.

I get to write rituals. While it is work, channeling divine will into writing rituals is a very satisfying experience. I love watching what comes out because automatic writing (after a fashion) is a very enlightening experience.

I am changing the world, really. Magick is about will, and love.. knowledge, and secrecy. We learn all these cool things, and then we get to start practicing them. And because practice makes perfect we earn the gift of magick through watching our own power develop. It really is an amazing process to watch yourself and others transform as adults into peaceful, balanced people who can change their lives and are comfortable doing so instead of standing around complaining about it like a victim.

Mercury retrograde in Gemini

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 06:40 AM EST

Mercury is retrograde in Gemini --- Neptune is retrograde in Aquarius -- Pluto is retrograde in Capricorn and so is Jupiter. So there is an astrological explanation for why I feel like I can't lighten up. But honestly, it's more that I have inner journeys to take, and the mundane world seems to be demanding that I stay present and be aware.

There are alot of things that you don't find out about being a Priestess until after the fact. It's not necessarily anyone's fault, it's like becoming a mother.. people tell you what to expect but it's really an individual journey of discovery. Priestessing is like that too, we work to become these beautiful representations of the Goddess, to own our power and to honor the energies of the universe... and that sounds great at a cocktail party (Pagans have cocktail parties?) but in reality it's a huge endeavor to persevere when the celestial energies pull and push at us and we have to learn to balance the deep desires to sit and mediate over tarot cards against sitting in meetings all day with muggles*.

Retrograde energies are about lessons. They teach us that our lives are about what we percieve, and that is always changing. Mercury retrograde teaches us that communication is more about love and intent than it is about the words. Neptune retrograde teaches us that we often see what we want to see. Right now, I'm learning to really trust that the magickal lessons I have learned in life apply everywhere, and people act and react to the energies around us whether they're magickal or not. (I know, Duh IxChel). Retrograde Jupiter is teaching me that I can make my own opportunities just by offering them up and inviting others to join in.

I think that the toughest thing for me right now is to learn to accept the reality that there are millions of things I want to do, but I MUST prioritize them and do them in the right order (right order defined as listening to my instincts and following them).

HHG2008 and Astrological energies

Monday, August 25, 2008, 06:42 AM EST

Is I sit here and listen to the This Week in Astrology podcast, I realize that this week is the time every year when I spend time with myself and in an enviornment of loving supportive pagan energy. During Labor Day weekend this year, I will be attending Harvest Home Gathering 2008. Every year I spent four to five days in the woods with a small, but lively group of pagans of all sorts. It's a challenging experience in that we're in unheated cabins, but we like to be adventurous and closer to nature so these cabins and this location are perfect for this kind of work.

So many of the speakers at HHG are the leaders and the primary authors in the Wiccan\Pagan\Magickal community that it's hard NOT to learn something over the course of the time that we are there.

The staff at HHG is an amazingly hard working group of down to earth and loving people who really take what they're doing seriously. They are an inspiration and a heart warming group to behold.

Mercury entering Libra on Thursday - I do adore Libra energies, so creative, loving, and balance. Having my rising sign be Gemini, wherever Mercury is astrologically affects me a great deal, and Mercury in Libra brings happy, warm vibes. YaY. This will help alot with the Dark Moon in Virgo, and the Mercury Square Pluto energies that can bring a bit of a challenge to communication.

When Venus enters Libra Saturday, we get to experience some powerful energies for relationships, creativity, and therapuetic work. What a great astrological occurrence for a group of people who are spiritually seeking answers!

The New Moon\Dark Moon event on the 30th, the sabian symbol is of a five year old taking their first dance lesson. This energy supports the work of learning the cultural rules of a society before charging ahead, or learning from an elder or a master as one starts off on a new path. Luckily I am attending HHG to learn from some teachers of Tantra. I've been reading alot on Tantra, but I get the chance this weekend to actually hear real masters in Tantra teach and speak. I will be happily assuming the role of the student this weekend.

There are some challenging aspects for this weekend as well, with Pluto squaring Mercury on Wednesday, and then Venus squares Pluto on Friday. This are fast moving aspects that pose a great opportunity for us to examine our deep, inner truths around communication and around creativity and love. They are also good opportunities to make money, if the challenges posed by Pluto are overcome. In both cases, the devil is in the details... so I'll be checking and double checking what I say and how I say it... and also what i hear from others.

I'm looking forward to this experience, as I always do. Because I know that my spirtual growth is healthier when I spend a little time in the community without being a leader, a teacher, etc. It is always important for any teacher to spend time regularly as a student so that they remember what it feels like to learn, and why they became a teacher in the first place. It's also good and healthy for anyone who is pagan to talk to others who are pagan because it helps alleviate the "minorty perspective" or the feeling that we are all alone in our spiritual passions and beliefs. Yes, it's great to just hang out with other pagans. :)

Lady Luna in Aries... and the cauldron gets stirred again.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 06:50 AM EST

With two planets in Libra and two in Scorpio we are full into the season of letting go. So how come all I can think about is finding new friends? The full moon in Aries falls in the 11th house of my natal chart, the house of friendship and social groups. So with Mercury retrograde, the celestial energies urge me to look back on my social patterns and adjust. So I did, and I found out that I've got lousy taste in friends... and what's worse, I really am not that good at being friends with people who have an active social life.

To be fair, with a full time career, two kids, two dogs, a house and a husband I've got a pretty full plate most of the time. Add to that a coven, and random students here and there who I am trying to get going.. and I'm pretty much tapped out.

So I need a friend like my old friend Laura. Laura was a Libra. She was an unhappy Libra but she was alot of fun. Unfortunately, Laura decided that living wasn't all that great so she committed suicide 12 yrs ago. Since then I've been a little disconnected from what it means to have a good friend in my life for any longer than about a year.

Libras and Scorpios tend to be my best friends.. Libras because their energy blends really well with my Moon in Gemini, and Scorpios because my Mercury and Neptune are both in Scorpio so I tend to communicate better with then.

Funny. The only Libra in my life now is my husband. And the only Scorpio is my friend Jon. Jon is a workaholic, so I never see him.

*sigh* Friends. Those people who remind you that you're OK just as you are... without losing weight, changing your communication style, or being some amazingly famous person who makes their life easier.

I want more of those.

The Wisdom of the Tarot

So much Judgement, yet not so much Temperance. We struggle in silence, Hanged Men looking for a new point of view. In the aftermath of a struggle, does the compassion of the Empress or the intuition of High Priestess provide any comfort for the bruised and beaten heart that has fallen from the Tower?

I ran to the fire, fully knowing I would be burned. Yet now I question my own ability to learn, and learn well, as I sit and nurse the singed and scarred parts of my spirit. It is the will of a fire sign to answer the call for justice and passion, to build the circle of fire and protect their loved ones. Those that call seem unaware of the cost of their requests, even as I rush to heed the need.

Dark, slow waters follow me now, pushing out the dead and decaying parts that were damaged and now are sacrificed for the sake of evolution and love. They flow out of me in so many tears, showing me the new growth of myself underneath. Is it the Wheel of Fortune that keeps these waters moving? Or is it my own selfish love that has yet to be fully balanced by Temperance that draws the waters from within me.

The clarity of the Sun almost blinds me, and it's warmth burns the tender new skin of my spirit that is as yet unprotected by time's hand.

What has this experience wrought?
And what is yet to come in the long path that lay before me?

Death occurs whether it is validated or not. We walk the paths of the Tree of Life whether we chart our course, or "go with our gut"... and who can say which is right and which is the illusion?

The Empress is my comfort, The Page of Cups is my guide.

Gently doth the flow of gentle waters deliver me into a new body, a new spirit, and a new day.

एक़ुइएम फॉर थे हार्ट ऑफ़ अ सिस्टर.

In the waxing light of a cold fall morning, I sit in partial consciousness and rest.

The bustle of a new day rustles in the distance like a tornado of leaves caught in a whirlwind, but it has yet to arrive.

My heart aches from the push, to pour love over the tortured heart of my soul sister, who lays in a hospital recovering.

Decades of study did not prepare me for the darkness that I faced the night before, yet I pushed on.

Written in scripture and song, in poem and verse, the power of love is legendary... yet not always a force for goodness and light.

For humans twist it into the form of our demons when we cannot understand its value, and let it die a gruesome death when it does not shield us adequately from fear.

Love is a home grown thing, nurtured in the womb and protected in the circle of hearts that is a family.

Love is a passionate thing, fed in the imagination of the young and fattened in the arms of lovers.

Yet it becomes a merciless master when it begins to act of its own accord, driving its owners to actions of selfish debauch and deceit.

What lessons lie here, on the dark floor of my bedroom, needing a gentle rain of patience to bloom into fully opened wisdom?

I sit in the waxing light of the morning sunrise, bathed in the magick that is the dawn.

I inhale hope, as I breathe out the acrid scent of a dying love from the night before.

And I wait...