Happiness is something that we create on our own. Ok, I get it. The next lesson that my little Gemini moon wants to learn is HOW? *smile* Of course everyone has an answer for that, and most of them boil down to me answering that question for myself. Anyone who has struggled with the charming qualities of Gemini energy (or any kind of mutable energies in their astrological chart) knows that it's tough to get focus.

Lately, with the mid-life bearing down on me, I've come to a conclusion that is freeing: I don't need to focus! Not in the way I thought I needed to anyway. As a magickal person, I have the added benefit and burden of knowing how to translate astrological energies. This gives me the freedom to review the challenges that are being laid before me, and to collaborate with the Gods as I grow. That means that to some degree, I can trust the Gods and their lessons and not need to know the entire plan. I can focus on now, and maybe this week... and let the rest of it just float around like soap bubbles. This freeing lesson is also terrifying.

We return to the mutable energy comment from above: Uranus (the Fool card) in Pisces (similar to the 8s, 9,s and 10s in Cups) tells us that there is much to be learned from initial exploration into the energies that Pisces rules. Pisces rules the unconscious/conscious, psychic energies, and intuition. The fool stumbling into Pisces with a powerful connection to the divine can get lost, like Alice in Wonderland. That is alot what mid-life crisis feels like to me. I want to get lost and never return, but when I am forced to return I handle responsibilities with a vengeance so that they don't intrude again in my Wonderland escapades. I am cranky at anyone or anything that seeks to intrude upon this space, and then I return to the mundane and logical world and see it with a whole new point of view.

The letting go part, the part where I realize I dont' need a plan, is from Saturn in Virgo cojoining my natal Uranus, Mars, Pluto conjunction. Pluto is the easiest one to take right now, because his aims are clear. He says to me "Baby, you are a beautiful creature, and no matter is going on around you, you must learn to trust that." So I get these freaky-wild intense experiences where I feel amazingly lovable, and they are contrasted against equally intense experiences where I feel like one of the Wyrd sisters from the Disney movie Hercules. "Why, you look like a fate worse than death!". *laugh*

The letting go lesson is an interesting one when it's punctuated by Saturn transiting my natal fourth house in Virgo. He is teaching me how freedom and responsibility are interwined in an unavoidable dance. He is teaching me how good it feels to have my finances in exacting order, so that I have the freedom to fix my house, my car, and other things without worry. I am free of worry --> Thank you Saturn in Virgo.

Letting go also means letting go of fear. Fear that I'm too old, or too young. Fear that I'm not thin enough, or too thin... not pretty enough, or too pretty to be taken seriously. Mars in Virgo cojoining Saturn is helping me with this. This energy, woven into mid-life crises mode, means I'm irritated with myself everyday that I don't exercise. And when I do exercise, I treat it like I'm supposed to be doing it.. not like it's an amazing accomplishment.

I chose the image of the Naked Pagan Happy Dance to remind me that this is all part of the journey.. part of the lessons... and in the end all that matters is being happy. And since I control whether or not I am happy, I am ultimately always free to dance.

Yuletide Eve

In the silence of an early morning, I watch the light rising over a hushed, snow covered land. Gently, snowflakes dance toward the ground. As they fall they whisper to me "all will be well, IxChel."

The last two weeks have been emotionally and logistically chaotic. Between a 2nd degree initiation, working in a software company whose primary market is Wall Street, and having a family and a home to participate in for the holidays I've been feeling like a combination marathon and relay runner.

For an HPs, initiations renew the initiaory and magickal currents within. They tend to ebb as time wears on, and each initiation is a little softer on the internal works... but any initiation of an HP or HPs is very intense and rare. Thus those events will tear through one like a bottle of Drano, and though welcomed, do create a bit of chaos.

Taking that chaotic energy and trying to build a solid emotional foundation on top of it is a bit of a challenge. Though not impossible, it is tricky. I need to keep the energy surges hidden from the view of the muggles, while monitoring my water intake and food choices. Exercise would have been a good choice throughout the past two weeks, but I just didn't have the physical energy to get out of bed at 5 am and walk on the treadmill.

I am finding that the Uranus-Saturn opposition and the T-Square with the Sun and Mars have been causing an already emotionally charged Wall Street to become positively rediculous. The people who work in the financials were already rude, selfish, and painfully self-absorbed.. but the recent "drop" along with the hectic planetary energies has made them all into babbling children who are afraid to try anything for fear one small step will ruin their already shaky careers. Knowing that the planetary energies were going to amplify this experience, I did make it through the past two weeks fairly smoothly, much more smoothly than I expected to anyway. There were some rough spots, and I did hear more positive -joking expressions of Mars or Uranus energies than I thought I would.. but overall it was like being on a log flume ride where the water is boiling hot. You're grateful for being in the log, but the hot water splashing up around you is not welcomed.

Now, Yuletide eve is here and it's snowing. The winter blanket covers all the little, prickly, frozen blades of grass. It hides all the ugly brown muddy spots, and brings a welcomed deadening of all the harsh cracking and howling sounds that the wind makes as it blows through the trees and the ice. Mother earth rests, and so do I.

Now is the time when time slows down a bit. When the books that pile up over the warmer months start to get finished, and the writing gets polished and finished off.

Gently, the snowflakes remind me that I too am made of the elements, and thus I must take the time to float, time to think and feel without pressure, and time to just do nothing but rest.

Water grows colder in the winter, so too do our trivial connections. Our emotional bodies create a layer of ice around them and our emotional energies are turned inward to nurture our selves and our closest friends.

The earth freezes in the winter, preventing growth. The body's energy dies back and demands rest, thus we heal the areas that need attention.

The air becomes crisp and cutting, and we must work to remember not to let our words follow that lead.

And fire becomes our friend in the winter. Heat and warmth are the sacred sisters of survival. We huddle and cling to the things that keep ours spirits up, our energies high.

Thus Yule is a celebration of fire, of warmth, of the rising of the light. In our most base natures, we long for the sun and to ritualize it's birth is to nurture the fire within us all to ensure our survival throughout these cold winter months.

I honor all who walk the paths laid down by their ancestors, and by the elders of this new tradition who have gone before us. Thank you for keeping the fires of magick alive, thank you for digging up the old ways and renewing them for us so that we too can honor the rising of the light. I am grateful for your sacred sacrifices.

Full Moon on it's way...

As I sit here and feel my way through the astrological energies of the Full Moon I wonder how much of our magickal power is restricted by our own fears of being seen as being limited?

Saturn in Virgo opposed Uranus in Pisces. Thus we have two astrological powerhouses sitting opposite each other in signs that are mutable in nature... and oddly difficult to label and isolate in terms of magickal energies. One could argue that Saturn in virgo is a traditional viewpoint on health and human services.. but that's not really a digestible format for magickal working.... it needs a simpler definition for spellwork.

Uranus in Pisces heralds a time when humanity reshapes their relationship with Spirituality and divine love. However, this is a long process.. not something that represents a tightly defined scope of work.

Add Pluto in Capricorn, the influence of the God of change sitting in the realm of established norms and traditional structures and you've got quite a revolutionary environment for magickal working.

Bring in the T-Square relationship of the Sun-Mercury-Mars stellium in Sagittarius to the Saturn-Uranus opposition and you've got a hell-raising bundle of raging energies looking for a plan to change the world, or at least make dramatic changes to the existing establishments. Given that the stellium is 90 degrees from the opposition, there is some measure of a "tough coaching" feeling to this energy pattern rather than a "that's enough and I'm through with this now." pattern.

I look back upon the historical figures of the occult and magick and wonder how they used these energies.. what lessons did they learn about these types of situations that allowed them to make the most of these powerful energies? These types of energies NEED an outlet, and if one is not voluntarily given to them, they will undoubtedly force their way out of one's self.

Gently is not a way that we proceed with this cauldron of simmering change. It is very much like any story, myth, or legend around the great Goddess Hekate... or around Eris or Oya... these are Goddesses who offer us the lessons of change and how powerful an impact it has on the mentality of a human being. We fear change, thus we tend to fear the Goddesses of change.. is that really the true path? I don't think so.

Feeling my way through these energies what I see is something like a roller coaster to a kid. It's a challenging thing, representing a partially frightening experience of going very fast and losing one's center around the dips and turns. But in the end there is this great feeling of exhilaration when we land in the starting house and realize that it was all OK because we allowed ourselves to make the journey. Of course, anyone who has ridden a roller coaster has experienced the first time feeling of being trapped on this monsterous machine without any way to get off before the scary stuff starts. Standing on this side of the Full Moon feels a little bit like that, though having ridden many roller coasters in my time I will be employing the age-old strategy of coping by letting go and feeling the exhilaration of surviving each unexpected dip and turn!

Of course, if one were to examine my natal chart, they'd see that this T-Square\Opposition pattern sits on top of an identical pattern in my chart. *wry smile* So I'm well aware that I have no choice in the matter, and I will take this journey whether I like it or not...

I am, as it were, strapped into the first car on the roller coaster. And thus, I am facing the fear of being seen as limited or unable to handle the drastic and unpredictable changes that these energies can bring. However, I have magick, and through that vehicle I can express my fears and move beyond them to give these energies an outlet that will create a world of fun and exhilaration. So.. in the end the roller coaster is magickal work.. and the planetary energies are the engine that pushes it along the track at high speeds.

Mercury retrograde in Gemini

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 06:40 AM EST

Mercury is retrograde in Gemini --- Neptune is retrograde in Aquarius -- Pluto is retrograde in Capricorn and so is Jupiter. So there is an astrological explanation for why I feel like I can't lighten up. But honestly, it's more that I have inner journeys to take, and the mundane world seems to be demanding that I stay present and be aware.

There are alot of things that you don't find out about being a Priestess until after the fact. It's not necessarily anyone's fault, it's like becoming a mother.. people tell you what to expect but it's really an individual journey of discovery. Priestessing is like that too, we work to become these beautiful representations of the Goddess, to own our power and to honor the energies of the universe... and that sounds great at a cocktail party (Pagans have cocktail parties?) but in reality it's a huge endeavor to persevere when the celestial energies pull and push at us and we have to learn to balance the deep desires to sit and mediate over tarot cards against sitting in meetings all day with muggles*.

Retrograde energies are about lessons. They teach us that our lives are about what we percieve, and that is always changing. Mercury retrograde teaches us that communication is more about love and intent than it is about the words. Neptune retrograde teaches us that we often see what we want to see. Right now, I'm learning to really trust that the magickal lessons I have learned in life apply everywhere, and people act and react to the energies around us whether they're magickal or not. (I know, Duh IxChel). Retrograde Jupiter is teaching me that I can make my own opportunities just by offering them up and inviting others to join in.

I think that the toughest thing for me right now is to learn to accept the reality that there are millions of things I want to do, but I MUST prioritize them and do them in the right order (right order defined as listening to my instincts and following them).

Lady Luna in Aries... and the cauldron gets stirred again.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 06:50 AM EST

With two planets in Libra and two in Scorpio we are full into the season of letting go. So how come all I can think about is finding new friends? The full moon in Aries falls in the 11th house of my natal chart, the house of friendship and social groups. So with Mercury retrograde, the celestial energies urge me to look back on my social patterns and adjust. So I did, and I found out that I've got lousy taste in friends... and what's worse, I really am not that good at being friends with people who have an active social life.

To be fair, with a full time career, two kids, two dogs, a house and a husband I've got a pretty full plate most of the time. Add to that a coven, and random students here and there who I am trying to get going.. and I'm pretty much tapped out.

So I need a friend like my old friend Laura. Laura was a Libra. She was an unhappy Libra but she was alot of fun. Unfortunately, Laura decided that living wasn't all that great so she committed suicide 12 yrs ago. Since then I've been a little disconnected from what it means to have a good friend in my life for any longer than about a year.

Libras and Scorpios tend to be my best friends.. Libras because their energy blends really well with my Moon in Gemini, and Scorpios because my Mercury and Neptune are both in Scorpio so I tend to communicate better with then.

Funny. The only Libra in my life now is my husband. And the only Scorpio is my friend Jon. Jon is a workaholic, so I never see him.

*sigh* Friends. Those people who remind you that you're OK just as you are... without losing weight, changing your communication style, or being some amazingly famous person who makes their life easier.

I want more of those.