The path, being challenged, and Wicca

What is it that defines the path?

“The Path” as it is often referred to, is the way in which each person learns of their own spirituality and beliefs. It is said that faith is not faith if it remains unchallenged.

The interesting thing about walking the path, is that it is by definition, a challenge. It is a path that is not recognized or accepted by the common person. It is a path that occluded by mystery and shadows. It teaches it’s lessons through pain and fear, and overcoming both.

So why would anyone want to walk “the path” as we define it in Wicca?

Maybe it is that their curiosity exceeds what is fed to them through the “easy way” of monotheistic religions?

Maybe they just want to be different from all the rest?

Maybe they feel that living a life without some kind of personal challenge just is too shallow and empty for them?

Really the reasons are too numerous to list off and probably don’t need to be listed. In the end, each person comes to the path for their own reasons. But there is a paradox to this choice…..

They don’t really want to be challenged. Before you raise your voice and challenge that statement, allow me to offer up a few reasons for that statement.

Though Wicca is an alternative religion, few people who follow it actually see it as religion. They see it as belief. They believe, and therefore that’s really all they care about. But a religion is a belief system unto itself, whether you believe in it or not. Just as each person comes to Wicca seeking answers, they are also seeking refuge from judgement. They don’t yet realize that the judgement that they are running from is within themselves. They want to believe in something that empowers them to make everything right, but in the end that requires being challenged in their belief that some “other” is wrong.

There is no right and wrong in Wicca. That is the fascinating thing about this religion. We believe that you create your own reality, and if your reality contains judgement for being different then you’ve created that reality by validating their point of view.

The challenge of Wicca comes in facing the demons that have tricked you into believing that anyone other than yourself is right. And yet we each seek, endlessly, external validation through books, articles, movies, and music that our point of view is right and that the “other” is really wrong!

The pain and the fear that you feel is self-created because you believe in it. You believe that you are hurt by someone rejecting you, you believe that you are rejectable. You believe that what you fear is scary because you feel powerless in the face of whatever that thing represents.

In the end, Wicca is all about challenge. It’s about challenging yourself to move outside your comfort zones, to listen to the most opposing view point you can find and see if you can see yourself through that viewpoint without losing one ounce of love for yourself. It’s about challenging your heart and your spirit to expand beyond where they are today and embracing what they can become.

But I find more and more that the people who seek Wicca as a religion don’t really WANT to be endlessly challenged. They want to master some sub-set of what is out there and then relax into their own pool of “see? I’m right.” Remember, there is no right and wrong in Wicca. There are only consequences of our choices. And if you believe that your choices are right, then you have faced your challenges and risen to love yourself enough to overcome them.

However, you are not done. You must continue to seek out and accept challenges in your life. This is how you feed the engine of the universal energies. Laying back and accepting the pool of “rightness” is akin to dying. Perfection is death.

So as you go off on your journey to discover and label these shadows, as you fall into bed every night and assume that you just can’t do one more thing, as you curl up and accept the hellish world that you may find yourself in remember something: you created it. So if you want to get out of it, then you need to get up and go face the challenge that is blocking your way You need to accept responsibility for putting it there, or not working hard enough to prevent it from being there… and you need to start working to remove it.

If that removal means facing fears, then so be it. If it means letting go of “rightness” in exchange for the discomfort of unknowing, then so be it.

But never, ever accept that being Wiccan is about being unchallenged and being “right”.

Happiness is something that we create on our own. Ok, I get it. The next lesson that my little Gemini moon wants to learn is HOW? *smile* Of course everyone has an answer for that, and most of them boil down to me answering that question for myself. Anyone who has struggled with the charming qualities of Gemini energy (or any kind of mutable energies in their astrological chart) knows that it's tough to get focus.

Lately, with the mid-life bearing down on me, I've come to a conclusion that is freeing: I don't need to focus! Not in the way I thought I needed to anyway. As a magickal person, I have the added benefit and burden of knowing how to translate astrological energies. This gives me the freedom to review the challenges that are being laid before me, and to collaborate with the Gods as I grow. That means that to some degree, I can trust the Gods and their lessons and not need to know the entire plan. I can focus on now, and maybe this week... and let the rest of it just float around like soap bubbles. This freeing lesson is also terrifying.

We return to the mutable energy comment from above: Uranus (the Fool card) in Pisces (similar to the 8s, 9,s and 10s in Cups) tells us that there is much to be learned from initial exploration into the energies that Pisces rules. Pisces rules the unconscious/conscious, psychic energies, and intuition. The fool stumbling into Pisces with a powerful connection to the divine can get lost, like Alice in Wonderland. That is alot what mid-life crisis feels like to me. I want to get lost and never return, but when I am forced to return I handle responsibilities with a vengeance so that they don't intrude again in my Wonderland escapades. I am cranky at anyone or anything that seeks to intrude upon this space, and then I return to the mundane and logical world and see it with a whole new point of view.

The letting go part, the part where I realize I dont' need a plan, is from Saturn in Virgo cojoining my natal Uranus, Mars, Pluto conjunction. Pluto is the easiest one to take right now, because his aims are clear. He says to me "Baby, you are a beautiful creature, and no matter is going on around you, you must learn to trust that." So I get these freaky-wild intense experiences where I feel amazingly lovable, and they are contrasted against equally intense experiences where I feel like one of the Wyrd sisters from the Disney movie Hercules. "Why, you look like a fate worse than death!". *laugh*

The letting go lesson is an interesting one when it's punctuated by Saturn transiting my natal fourth house in Virgo. He is teaching me how freedom and responsibility are interwined in an unavoidable dance. He is teaching me how good it feels to have my finances in exacting order, so that I have the freedom to fix my house, my car, and other things without worry. I am free of worry --> Thank you Saturn in Virgo.

Letting go also means letting go of fear. Fear that I'm too old, or too young. Fear that I'm not thin enough, or too thin... not pretty enough, or too pretty to be taken seriously. Mars in Virgo cojoining Saturn is helping me with this. This energy, woven into mid-life crises mode, means I'm irritated with myself everyday that I don't exercise. And when I do exercise, I treat it like I'm supposed to be doing it.. not like it's an amazing accomplishment.

I chose the image of the Naked Pagan Happy Dance to remind me that this is all part of the journey.. part of the lessons... and in the end all that matters is being happy. And since I control whether or not I am happy, I am ultimately always free to dance.

When to honor the cross quarters..

Today is the day when Wiccans honor the Goddess Brighid, today is the traditional day for Imbolc. It's funny to use the word traditional with a religion that was born in the 1960's. Like the last 40 yrs of Wicca have accelerated our work such that anything can be referred to as a tradition? I'm not sure.

Something that has challenged me since the beginning of my studies has been the cross quarter Sabbats. We read in many books how they are honored on X day, yet when you research what makes them cross-quarters, it's the fact that they happen 45 days from a solstice or an equinox. Uhm... but the traditional days are not always 45 days from a solstice or an equinox.

So I started counting. And I noticed that more often the cross quarters happen near a lunar event that is +-4 days from the 45 day mark. Thus, my coven and I started honoring the cross quarters on those days. Why? Because it felt more real to me than to just honor a day because someone chose it? It's hard to provide a reason for doing something in Wicca that is any more solid than any other reason. Wicca is such a new religion that compared to other religions of the world, it feels a little silly to make bold statements like "this is the traditional way of doing things." Traditional? So in the past 40 yrs there haven't been a dozen or so authors and community leaders who haven't found faults with any number of our "traditions" and modified them to suit their needs?

45 days, February 2nd, the next lunar event... there is no more justification for any of one those times to honor Brighid than any other. I like to think that the Goddess weaves her visions from a loving and creative source, and as such isn't all that upset if it's one day or the next, just as long as it happens sometime when the community feels it should.

Common sense plays a role here as well: if you want to hold a large celebration, and most of your coven members work, then they either have to take the day off... or you have to schedule it on or near a weekend so that everyone can relax and enjoy the time spent in celebration of Brighid's fire.

The overall goal of this Sabbat is to honor Brighid, the rising of the God's fires (the sun's warmth), and to gather together in a celebration of light to soothe the pyschological damages of a long, dark winter. When those things are accomplished with a deep emotional commitment, the day upon which the ritual occurs becomes less of an issue.

Waiting to exhale

When magick works, it tends to come gently through like sunlight filtering through the trees in a shadowed wood. When magick works, it tends to follow threads and expectations that feel as natural as the way water flows over rocks in a stream. Yet, when magick works I'm always gently comforted by the surprise that I have been blessed so completely with the insight into how magick works.

Emotional connections this week feel like a California mudslide. They creep, and creep along... and then suddenly everything gathers together and they engulf everything in their path.. burying me and every percpetion that I have at once. Wow.

Venus and Uranus are currently conjunct in my 10th house, that transit is also conjunct my natal Chiron. That is where the mudslide analogy comes from. Uranus lends a bit of divine insight to every experience, Venus rules emotional connections, and of course Chiron is the master of painful experiences that become powerful lessons that shape who we are. Saturn's endless lesson while cojoining my natal Stellium in Virgo reminds me that nurturing myself and others is NO TRIVIAL TASK! Ok, Master Saturn I get it... don't trivialize what it takes to keep people safe.. no really, I GET IT!! *sigh* At least I've got old father Jupiter opposing my natal Jupiter with a healthy shot of the Sun to keep my bouyant. Saturn transits are so heavy.

I am waiting to exhale because Mercury is retrograde in my 8th house, crossing back over into my 9th house after it turns direct in a little over a week. This Mercury Retrograde has taught me to go back over unfinished projects and work on them. This is a good thing, and I am taking this lesson with me into the next Mercury retrograde in May. Among these unfinished projects is one that I've been working on since I started as a Priestess: shielding and how it impacts a psychic's ability to predict the emotional flow of a situation.

As I review my emotional connections this week, and face deep truths about the people that I have emotional connections with, I realize that I keep a bubble of energy around me almost unconsciously in situations where I feel emotionally connected to the people I'm with.. but oddly I don't keep one around me in situations where I feel NO emotional connection to the people I'm with.. and that's the exact opposite of what I need to be doing to stay healthy.

In situations where I am emotionally connected the people I'm with, I've been afraid that I will be pulled into someone's emotionall whirlpool and have it ruin my experience. But what I neglected to realize was that as my Reiki abilities grew, so too did my ability to ground myself and keep my emotional energies seperate from someone else's. In situations where I am NOT emotionally connected to the people around me, I left my shields down because I expected that my psychic abilities would be hampered by the sheilds and that a lack of emotional connection would keep me from being harmed by their negativity. AGAIN, I was wrong. I neglected to realize that I am an energy being and thus will be affected by my surroundings regardless of the emotional depth of my connections (Moon in the 12th house, Neptune in Scorpio in the 6th house).

The magickal workings of this week were to learn how I relate to my emotional connections and how to improve my relationship with them so that I am healthier emotionally (and thus physically). What I have learned:

1) Loving someone adds a great deal of emotional energy to a connection, so bringing my sheilds down allows that love to flow more freely even in times of pain. Keep my shields down around people that I love.
2) Trusting someone adds a great deal of astral space to a connection, keep my energies focused and light around people that I trust to allow the connection to grow as it will instead of trying to control it. Controlling a trustworthy connection is a waste of energy. Trust is an emotion based guideline.
3) Allowing my shields to come down around people who are NOT magickally attuned is just about the stupidest thing I can do, they are like toddlers with guns and will inflict deep wounds on my energy body. I will work on jacking up my psychic energies so that my abilities will work around "muggles" without me needing to bring down my sheilds.
4) Everyone who loves you pays the price for doing so, but they do so willingly because they love you.. don't try to compensate for that bill, it only cheapens the love.
5) Let joy in, if sadness follows immediatly behind it, then trust in my abilities to handle sadness... but don't block joy whenever it comes, or worry that sadness is on it's heels.. more often than not sadness is nowhere to be seen, and joy will expand without bound if allowed to do so.
6) Magick follows the heart, if your heart isn't honestly and truely involved in your magick.. then it will fizzle. If your heart is in it, then there is nothing to fear for your heart is the purest connection to the cosmic-divine love and will only guide you to the right path, the right answer, and the most healing waters for YOU.
7) Make friends as often as you can, because you never know when one will leave unexpectedly and you'll need the others to help you heal.

Yuletide Eve

In the silence of an early morning, I watch the light rising over a hushed, snow covered land. Gently, snowflakes dance toward the ground. As they fall they whisper to me "all will be well, IxChel."

The last two weeks have been emotionally and logistically chaotic. Between a 2nd degree initiation, working in a software company whose primary market is Wall Street, and having a family and a home to participate in for the holidays I've been feeling like a combination marathon and relay runner.

For an HPs, initiations renew the initiaory and magickal currents within. They tend to ebb as time wears on, and each initiation is a little softer on the internal works... but any initiation of an HP or HPs is very intense and rare. Thus those events will tear through one like a bottle of Drano, and though welcomed, do create a bit of chaos.

Taking that chaotic energy and trying to build a solid emotional foundation on top of it is a bit of a challenge. Though not impossible, it is tricky. I need to keep the energy surges hidden from the view of the muggles, while monitoring my water intake and food choices. Exercise would have been a good choice throughout the past two weeks, but I just didn't have the physical energy to get out of bed at 5 am and walk on the treadmill.

I am finding that the Uranus-Saturn opposition and the T-Square with the Sun and Mars have been causing an already emotionally charged Wall Street to become positively rediculous. The people who work in the financials were already rude, selfish, and painfully self-absorbed.. but the recent "drop" along with the hectic planetary energies has made them all into babbling children who are afraid to try anything for fear one small step will ruin their already shaky careers. Knowing that the planetary energies were going to amplify this experience, I did make it through the past two weeks fairly smoothly, much more smoothly than I expected to anyway. There were some rough spots, and I did hear more positive -joking expressions of Mars or Uranus energies than I thought I would.. but overall it was like being on a log flume ride where the water is boiling hot. You're grateful for being in the log, but the hot water splashing up around you is not welcomed.

Now, Yuletide eve is here and it's snowing. The winter blanket covers all the little, prickly, frozen blades of grass. It hides all the ugly brown muddy spots, and brings a welcomed deadening of all the harsh cracking and howling sounds that the wind makes as it blows through the trees and the ice. Mother earth rests, and so do I.

Now is the time when time slows down a bit. When the books that pile up over the warmer months start to get finished, and the writing gets polished and finished off.

Gently, the snowflakes remind me that I too am made of the elements, and thus I must take the time to float, time to think and feel without pressure, and time to just do nothing but rest.

Water grows colder in the winter, so too do our trivial connections. Our emotional bodies create a layer of ice around them and our emotional energies are turned inward to nurture our selves and our closest friends.

The earth freezes in the winter, preventing growth. The body's energy dies back and demands rest, thus we heal the areas that need attention.

The air becomes crisp and cutting, and we must work to remember not to let our words follow that lead.

And fire becomes our friend in the winter. Heat and warmth are the sacred sisters of survival. We huddle and cling to the things that keep ours spirits up, our energies high.

Thus Yule is a celebration of fire, of warmth, of the rising of the light. In our most base natures, we long for the sun and to ritualize it's birth is to nurture the fire within us all to ensure our survival throughout these cold winter months.

I honor all who walk the paths laid down by their ancestors, and by the elders of this new tradition who have gone before us. Thank you for keeping the fires of magick alive, thank you for digging up the old ways and renewing them for us so that we too can honor the rising of the light. I am grateful for your sacred sacrifices.

Full Moon on it's way...

As I sit here and feel my way through the astrological energies of the Full Moon I wonder how much of our magickal power is restricted by our own fears of being seen as being limited?

Saturn in Virgo opposed Uranus in Pisces. Thus we have two astrological powerhouses sitting opposite each other in signs that are mutable in nature... and oddly difficult to label and isolate in terms of magickal energies. One could argue that Saturn in virgo is a traditional viewpoint on health and human services.. but that's not really a digestible format for magickal working.... it needs a simpler definition for spellwork.

Uranus in Pisces heralds a time when humanity reshapes their relationship with Spirituality and divine love. However, this is a long process.. not something that represents a tightly defined scope of work.

Add Pluto in Capricorn, the influence of the God of change sitting in the realm of established norms and traditional structures and you've got quite a revolutionary environment for magickal working.

Bring in the T-Square relationship of the Sun-Mercury-Mars stellium in Sagittarius to the Saturn-Uranus opposition and you've got a hell-raising bundle of raging energies looking for a plan to change the world, or at least make dramatic changes to the existing establishments. Given that the stellium is 90 degrees from the opposition, there is some measure of a "tough coaching" feeling to this energy pattern rather than a "that's enough and I'm through with this now." pattern.

I look back upon the historical figures of the occult and magick and wonder how they used these energies.. what lessons did they learn about these types of situations that allowed them to make the most of these powerful energies? These types of energies NEED an outlet, and if one is not voluntarily given to them, they will undoubtedly force their way out of one's self.

Gently is not a way that we proceed with this cauldron of simmering change. It is very much like any story, myth, or legend around the great Goddess Hekate... or around Eris or Oya... these are Goddesses who offer us the lessons of change and how powerful an impact it has on the mentality of a human being. We fear change, thus we tend to fear the Goddesses of change.. is that really the true path? I don't think so.

Feeling my way through these energies what I see is something like a roller coaster to a kid. It's a challenging thing, representing a partially frightening experience of going very fast and losing one's center around the dips and turns. But in the end there is this great feeling of exhilaration when we land in the starting house and realize that it was all OK because we allowed ourselves to make the journey. Of course, anyone who has ridden a roller coaster has experienced the first time feeling of being trapped on this monsterous machine without any way to get off before the scary stuff starts. Standing on this side of the Full Moon feels a little bit like that, though having ridden many roller coasters in my time I will be employing the age-old strategy of coping by letting go and feeling the exhilaration of surviving each unexpected dip and turn!

Of course, if one were to examine my natal chart, they'd see that this T-Square\Opposition pattern sits on top of an identical pattern in my chart. *wry smile* So I'm well aware that I have no choice in the matter, and I will take this journey whether I like it or not...

I am, as it were, strapped into the first car on the roller coaster. And thus, I am facing the fear of being seen as limited or unable to handle the drastic and unpredictable changes that these energies can bring. However, I have magick, and through that vehicle I can express my fears and move beyond them to give these energies an outlet that will create a world of fun and exhilaration. So.. in the end the roller coaster is magickal work.. and the planetary energies are the engine that pushes it along the track at high speeds.

The Wisdom of the Tarot

So much Judgement, yet not so much Temperance. We struggle in silence, Hanged Men looking for a new point of view. In the aftermath of a struggle, does the compassion of the Empress or the intuition of High Priestess provide any comfort for the bruised and beaten heart that has fallen from the Tower?

I ran to the fire, fully knowing I would be burned. Yet now I question my own ability to learn, and learn well, as I sit and nurse the singed and scarred parts of my spirit. It is the will of a fire sign to answer the call for justice and passion, to build the circle of fire and protect their loved ones. Those that call seem unaware of the cost of their requests, even as I rush to heed the need.

Dark, slow waters follow me now, pushing out the dead and decaying parts that were damaged and now are sacrificed for the sake of evolution and love. They flow out of me in so many tears, showing me the new growth of myself underneath. Is it the Wheel of Fortune that keeps these waters moving? Or is it my own selfish love that has yet to be fully balanced by Temperance that draws the waters from within me.

The clarity of the Sun almost blinds me, and it's warmth burns the tender new skin of my spirit that is as yet unprotected by time's hand.

What has this experience wrought?
And what is yet to come in the long path that lay before me?

Death occurs whether it is validated or not. We walk the paths of the Tree of Life whether we chart our course, or "go with our gut"... and who can say which is right and which is the illusion?

The Empress is my comfort, The Page of Cups is my guide.

Gently doth the flow of gentle waters deliver me into a new body, a new spirit, and a new day.