Happiness is something that we create on our own. Ok, I get it. The next lesson that my little Gemini moon wants to learn is HOW? *smile* Of course everyone has an answer for that, and most of them boil down to me answering that question for myself. Anyone who has struggled with the charming qualities of Gemini energy (or any kind of mutable energies in their astrological chart) knows that it's tough to get focus.

Lately, with the mid-life bearing down on me, I've come to a conclusion that is freeing: I don't need to focus! Not in the way I thought I needed to anyway. As a magickal person, I have the added benefit and burden of knowing how to translate astrological energies. This gives me the freedom to review the challenges that are being laid before me, and to collaborate with the Gods as I grow. That means that to some degree, I can trust the Gods and their lessons and not need to know the entire plan. I can focus on now, and maybe this week... and let the rest of it just float around like soap bubbles. This freeing lesson is also terrifying.

We return to the mutable energy comment from above: Uranus (the Fool card) in Pisces (similar to the 8s, 9,s and 10s in Cups) tells us that there is much to be learned from initial exploration into the energies that Pisces rules. Pisces rules the unconscious/conscious, psychic energies, and intuition. The fool stumbling into Pisces with a powerful connection to the divine can get lost, like Alice in Wonderland. That is alot what mid-life crisis feels like to me. I want to get lost and never return, but when I am forced to return I handle responsibilities with a vengeance so that they don't intrude again in my Wonderland escapades. I am cranky at anyone or anything that seeks to intrude upon this space, and then I return to the mundane and logical world and see it with a whole new point of view.

The letting go part, the part where I realize I dont' need a plan, is from Saturn in Virgo cojoining my natal Uranus, Mars, Pluto conjunction. Pluto is the easiest one to take right now, because his aims are clear. He says to me "Baby, you are a beautiful creature, and no matter is going on around you, you must learn to trust that." So I get these freaky-wild intense experiences where I feel amazingly lovable, and they are contrasted against equally intense experiences where I feel like one of the Wyrd sisters from the Disney movie Hercules. "Why, you look like a fate worse than death!". *laugh*

The letting go lesson is an interesting one when it's punctuated by Saturn transiting my natal fourth house in Virgo. He is teaching me how freedom and responsibility are interwined in an unavoidable dance. He is teaching me how good it feels to have my finances in exacting order, so that I have the freedom to fix my house, my car, and other things without worry. I am free of worry --> Thank you Saturn in Virgo.

Letting go also means letting go of fear. Fear that I'm too old, or too young. Fear that I'm not thin enough, or too thin... not pretty enough, or too pretty to be taken seriously. Mars in Virgo cojoining Saturn is helping me with this. This energy, woven into mid-life crises mode, means I'm irritated with myself everyday that I don't exercise. And when I do exercise, I treat it like I'm supposed to be doing it.. not like it's an amazing accomplishment.

I chose the image of the Naked Pagan Happy Dance to remind me that this is all part of the journey.. part of the lessons... and in the end all that matters is being happy. And since I control whether or not I am happy, I am ultimately always free to dance.

Full Moon on it's way...

As I sit here and feel my way through the astrological energies of the Full Moon I wonder how much of our magickal power is restricted by our own fears of being seen as being limited?

Saturn in Virgo opposed Uranus in Pisces. Thus we have two astrological powerhouses sitting opposite each other in signs that are mutable in nature... and oddly difficult to label and isolate in terms of magickal energies. One could argue that Saturn in virgo is a traditional viewpoint on health and human services.. but that's not really a digestible format for magickal working.... it needs a simpler definition for spellwork.

Uranus in Pisces heralds a time when humanity reshapes their relationship with Spirituality and divine love. However, this is a long process.. not something that represents a tightly defined scope of work.

Add Pluto in Capricorn, the influence of the God of change sitting in the realm of established norms and traditional structures and you've got quite a revolutionary environment for magickal working.

Bring in the T-Square relationship of the Sun-Mercury-Mars stellium in Sagittarius to the Saturn-Uranus opposition and you've got a hell-raising bundle of raging energies looking for a plan to change the world, or at least make dramatic changes to the existing establishments. Given that the stellium is 90 degrees from the opposition, there is some measure of a "tough coaching" feeling to this energy pattern rather than a "that's enough and I'm through with this now." pattern.

I look back upon the historical figures of the occult and magick and wonder how they used these energies.. what lessons did they learn about these types of situations that allowed them to make the most of these powerful energies? These types of energies NEED an outlet, and if one is not voluntarily given to them, they will undoubtedly force their way out of one's self.

Gently is not a way that we proceed with this cauldron of simmering change. It is very much like any story, myth, or legend around the great Goddess Hekate... or around Eris or Oya... these are Goddesses who offer us the lessons of change and how powerful an impact it has on the mentality of a human being. We fear change, thus we tend to fear the Goddesses of change.. is that really the true path? I don't think so.

Feeling my way through these energies what I see is something like a roller coaster to a kid. It's a challenging thing, representing a partially frightening experience of going very fast and losing one's center around the dips and turns. But in the end there is this great feeling of exhilaration when we land in the starting house and realize that it was all OK because we allowed ourselves to make the journey. Of course, anyone who has ridden a roller coaster has experienced the first time feeling of being trapped on this monsterous machine without any way to get off before the scary stuff starts. Standing on this side of the Full Moon feels a little bit like that, though having ridden many roller coasters in my time I will be employing the age-old strategy of coping by letting go and feeling the exhilaration of surviving each unexpected dip and turn!

Of course, if one were to examine my natal chart, they'd see that this T-Square\Opposition pattern sits on top of an identical pattern in my chart. *wry smile* So I'm well aware that I have no choice in the matter, and I will take this journey whether I like it or not...

I am, as it were, strapped into the first car on the roller coaster. And thus, I am facing the fear of being seen as limited or unable to handle the drastic and unpredictable changes that these energies can bring. However, I have magick, and through that vehicle I can express my fears and move beyond them to give these energies an outlet that will create a world of fun and exhilaration. So.. in the end the roller coaster is magickal work.. and the planetary energies are the engine that pushes it along the track at high speeds.