Who's Dream is This?

In my mind's eye I keep seeing a house with beautiful, hard wood floors that are shiny. They reflect the twinkle lights that adorn the bannister of a long stair case, the red velvet ribbons, and a string of gold and silver beads that are woven into lush green garland. I hear jazz holiday music in the background, and when I look around the corner of a double doorway into a living room there is a huge tree with packages under it that are wrapped in silver and gold wrapping with big bows on them all.

The house smells of baking turkey, and the kitchen is full of people who are each working on part of a big meal. In another room I can hear a chorus of cheers as some sports team scores, followed by laughter.

I stand in the hallway of the first floor of this house, it's warm inside and it's snowing outside. I feel the energy, a bit of tension here and there which is a natural part of life, but also alot of love. Everyone who is here together WANTS to be here. They all love each other to varying degrees. Each of them struggles from time to time to declare their own independence and individuality, but no so much that they'd ever be unwelcome in this place. Everyone knows that everyone else is at a different stage of life, but somehow we're all together and happy no matter what stage we're at.

I hear dog nails on the floor, and a big fluffy dog waddles around the corner from the kitchen where it's been patiently waiting for crumbs to fall. He comes and sits down next to me as I sit down on the bottom of a long staircase. I wonder if anyone else adores this feeling as much as I do. I wonder if anyone else even notices how much the energy changes, thickens, and settles on all of us like a warm blanket of protection when we're together.

I hear a little voice, a little girl's voice asking for something sweet. I realize that no one is really paying attention to JUST her, but instead we are all kind of watching her together. Since I'm not cooking right now, I start to get up and go to her to give her some attention. She gets what she asked for and runs off to play with the other kids in the house. They're older than she is, but they don't mind her being here. She's part of the family and as such can come and play with everyone else.

I hear a car in the driveway, struggling to get up the hill a little, skidding. It stops and then tries again and this time getting up to the top of the driveway and parking. I hear the men in the other room shout as they realize who is in the car, and they all leave the game and run out into the snow to greet the person in the car. He hasn't been home in a few years, and when he comes home like this, he makes everything more fun for the guys. They'll be up in the den all night now, drinking and telling stories. In the morning, the women will come downstairs to start making breakfast for all of these people, and they'll all be snoring away until Noon.

I will be out in town tomorrow, shopping for more supplies because we don't have refridgerator space to stock up for this many people. There is nothing like the feeling of shopping for food for your house when you know it's full of people who will all be sitting down eating together. Tomorrow night's meal will be something special, because my husband ordered a special cut of beef that has been marinating for two days.

I feel whole, alive, and connected. I feel like I am successful but in a way that can't be measured by tangible things, but more through the smiles that I see, the resting faces that I see at the end of a good meal, and the tender gestures and words that each person exchanges with each other when they think that no one is watching.

Is this my future? Or some past that I've inherited from someone else who never got this but wanted it so badly that they passed it on to me? As I pass through a time when my Mercury is opposed by Neptune, I wonder how much of what I'm seeing and feeling is coming through the veils, and how much of it is my connection with my higher self.

Of Frogs and Rabbits..

We hear frogs and it is a sign of spring.
Some say that the song of the frog brings rain, others that frogs are the bearers of healing energies.
We see rabbits and the essence of spring settles over us. Their silent entry into an open field seems like a natural ballet between the fiery energies of survival and growth and the chaos of an open universe making room for an expansive dance to ensue.

I notice the energies of the seasons more and more every year. I am comforted by them as I feel more deeply and recover more slowly from deeply emotional experiences. The turning of the wheel is the metaphor for how a witch sees the progression of time and the earth's changes that ensue. It is also a symbol for how humans are affected by what each of these seasons represents. Spring is a rising of energy, warmth, and hope. Our focus changes and turns to the things inspired by frogs and rabbits. We "sing" for the rains to come and water in our seeds, for the sun to rise earlier every day so we have more natural light to cheer our hearts, and for the quiet of a warm night to embrace us at the end of hard day of work. Like rabbits we creep out into the wide expanse of the universe looking and listening for signs to go ahead, listening for signs that our path ahead is safe and clear.

Of frogs and rabbits, of singers and listeners, of spring and the passing of winter I write and I celebrate. For no one place on the wheel is more sacred than another, but no one place is as hopeful and full of wonder as the time of frogs and rabbits, the time of spring.

Getting on the road of life...

I notice that as I grow older, I tend to avoid certain stretches of the road. To clearly define this metaphor: the road of life is the place where our daily activities take place from when we get up to when we finally fall asleep.

I notice that there are patches of the road that I tend to avoid without really even pondering what I'm missing. Last night's un-game with the Sox taught me that.

As I sat in a rainy Fenway stadium in a plastic bag with Red Sox logos on it I realized that happiness is about what is perceived and nurtured in a situation rather than anything else. I was damp, cold, and happy even though NO game was going on, and it didn't look like one was going to happen.

The reason I avoid these areas of the road is that I have convinced myself that the trouble that it takes to go over them isn't worth the experiences that lie within that time. I am wrong in that... there are great experiences on those patches of road even though they're rough.

Being wet, drinking coffee, and talking about the Red Sox in Fenway Stadium is an experience that I will remember for a long time. Mostly because I loved being around all those people who love baseball, who didn't care that we were getting soaked, and who WANTED to see the Sox play. I felt like we had better things to focus on than whether or not we were in the rain, and it felt good.

So my lesson this week is to re-examine the parts of the road in my daily life that I avoid and see if there are other good experiences in there to learn.

Ashe Mercury.

Venus Retrograde, and how magick changes us...

Venus is the planet in our natal charts that indicates how we relate to loving relationships, but also how we view beauty and the other experiences in our lives that "feed our hearts".

With Venus being retrograde the energies "above" (from the phrase: as above, so below) are supportive of our working on our inner truths around beauty, love, and nurturing our hearts.

For example: I tend to allow alot of things to go by me for the sake of not being judged as being high maintenance. One of the little things that bothers me is when my family drinks out of cans or bottles instead of glasses. Now, in the grand scheme of things that is a *very small* issue. But during Venus retrograde I noticed how many *small issues* were being overlooked and how it was making me feel about my immediate world. So I spoke up and asked them to try to use glasses.

This kind of thing exemplifies how Venus Retrograde can affect our relationships, our daily lives, and our views of ourselves. We have a great opportunity right now to note the details of our lives that have stripped us of the beautiful things we could be experiencing. *more on this*

Of course, there are always dozens of other astrological energies that are at work at any given time, so focusing solely on Venus being retrograde as the cause for things happening in your life or your relationships isn't a good idea.

However, using the Venus Retrograde energies to fuel small changes, tuning the world around you to be more beautiful, and honoring your inner voice with regards to how you nurture yourself are a good investment of these energies.

We are either moved to USE these energies, or they will move us to do things with them without our permission.

Sway with me...

Love is about saving... yourself, your lover, your heart, your patience, your endless imagination. What is it about dancing with someone that you love that seems to defy all other forms of expression? Even if you're just swaying to a song that you love, there is something so intimate and powerful about being wrapped around each other and wrapped up in each other's arms moving to a beat simultaneously that makes life's troubles seem like they're a million miles away.
I read, digest, journal, and review all the pieces of life that I've taken in thus far on my path of being a woman and a Priestess and there are aspects of love that still just facinate me.

I think that is why Love is such an endless facinating subject for me. Loving ourselves, loving someone else, loving children-parents-siblings-friends.. it truly IS the most powerful force in the universe.

What else can take something that looks a little silly and mushy without music, and turn it into a powerful experience with a little music and some deep felt emotion?

What is romance when we boil it down? It is the feeling of warmth that rises in your chest when you think about how you feel around a certain person, and how that person feels when they're around you! It is about taking the simple and the mundane and turning it into an artistic expression of emotion.

Whether I am dancing, singing, or just listening to the music that reminds me of Kevin I still smile. Even if I'm angry at him, wish he lived miles away from me, or am dreading going home to deal with him -- I can listen to certain music and remember dancing with him and smiling so much that my face hurt. I can remember the look in his eyes when he was coaxing me out onto a dance floor as an expression of how much he loves me, a little mischevious, a little loving, and always fun.

So I save... I save my best energy for our times together.
I save my best words and my most creative self for the projects that we do together.
I save the precious, tenderest parts of my secret joys for him to see and experience.
Love is about saving, it's about sharing what you want with others.. but saving the best for that one person who makes you feel like whatever you are, however you are, you are the most valuable person in the world to them.

Magick flows like water following our emotions, feeling our way through the winding paths of darkened woods that are the days and nights of our lives.. love gives us courage to keep going and to face the untold dangers that we imagine to be right around every corner. Magick is love, and love is magick.. magick for yourself is echoed your love for yourself, magick for others is echoed in the love that you feel for them or for those who are sacred to them, and magick for the world is service to the Gods via serving humanity.

But remember, that you are the sacred vessel of magick and thus are always deserving of pleasure and love yourself so save the best for yourself to ensure that you are always in the best possible state.

Don't be afraid of the endings...

Look to the sky, dear one, for it holds the secrets and dreams of all who have gone before you.
Look to the sea, dear one, for it holds the fears and the fame of all who have yet to come.
Look to the darkness, dear one, for it holds the mysteries of the ages wrapped in a cloak of love.
Look to the light, dear one, for it holds the endless joy that only your heart can know.

Walking the path of a priestess is never easy, but it is always good. When we measure the value of our work through the eyes of another, we will always fall short. But when we stop to remember that this is our choice and not anybody else's, then the ecstacy of being one with the stars is very clear.

Freedom is made of the warp of steps taken to find one's inner voice, and it is defended in the weft of steps taken from the cliffside that wraps the ocean in it's arms of stone.

So much of my work has been about finding those cliffs, about seeing the choices as defining moments for myself and nothing else. Now I sit in in the peace of knowing that I am not the gilded lady held fast by the stone wall of her fears in a lovely garden of lies. I sit naked, on the wet floor of a sea cave, shivering and happy that the spirits of my ancestors have blessed me with their wisdom and I've been chosen to be one of the voices of love that teaches hearts to look inward and take those steps off of those cliffsides.

An old friend of mine used to remind me "When you're falling, point your toes." It was her way to let me know that sometimes falling isn't what we expect it be: full of pain. Sometimes falling is the result of stepping off, and it's all part of the process of honoring endings.

My little moon in Gemini cuddled in it's 12th house finds solace in the voices of the dead rather than the living. For its tie to them was created before I was born. But that makes dealing with the living all the more difficult, because the living tend to be speaking from a fearful heart more often than not. The dead have little to fear for they have taken that final step off of the cliff and fallen into the final freedom from want, freedom from judgement, freedom from loss. They smile with me now, and remind me to be patient with the living for their hearts are still learning to fly.

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled

A fatal attraction is holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit, I

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to guide my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone

A soul in tension that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, A state of bliss
Can't keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

"Love is like falling, and falling is like this...." ~ Ani DiFranco

For the life of me, I can never predict what magick will create. And in the weeks that followed after our Sun-Venus ritual I found that the world, the Gods, and anything else that can be attributed to magick all conspired together to bring me all kinds of joy.

Sun-Venus was in Aries, but Venus was retrograde, which means her energies were inwardly focused instead of outwardly. So the result was that people asked me to write, to teach, and to love the things I already love openly and freely.

Wow. SolVE!

The path, being challenged, and Wicca

What is it that defines the path?

“The Path” as it is often referred to, is the way in which each person learns of their own spirituality and beliefs. It is said that faith is not faith if it remains unchallenged.

The interesting thing about walking the path, is that it is by definition, a challenge. It is a path that is not recognized or accepted by the common person. It is a path that occluded by mystery and shadows. It teaches it’s lessons through pain and fear, and overcoming both.

So why would anyone want to walk “the path” as we define it in Wicca?

Maybe it is that their curiosity exceeds what is fed to them through the “easy way” of monotheistic religions?

Maybe they just want to be different from all the rest?

Maybe they feel that living a life without some kind of personal challenge just is too shallow and empty for them?

Really the reasons are too numerous to list off and probably don’t need to be listed. In the end, each person comes to the path for their own reasons. But there is a paradox to this choice…..

They don’t really want to be challenged. Before you raise your voice and challenge that statement, allow me to offer up a few reasons for that statement.

Though Wicca is an alternative religion, few people who follow it actually see it as religion. They see it as belief. They believe, and therefore that’s really all they care about. But a religion is a belief system unto itself, whether you believe in it or not. Just as each person comes to Wicca seeking answers, they are also seeking refuge from judgement. They don’t yet realize that the judgement that they are running from is within themselves. They want to believe in something that empowers them to make everything right, but in the end that requires being challenged in their belief that some “other” is wrong.

There is no right and wrong in Wicca. That is the fascinating thing about this religion. We believe that you create your own reality, and if your reality contains judgement for being different then you’ve created that reality by validating their point of view.

The challenge of Wicca comes in facing the demons that have tricked you into believing that anyone other than yourself is right. And yet we each seek, endlessly, external validation through books, articles, movies, and music that our point of view is right and that the “other” is really wrong!

The pain and the fear that you feel is self-created because you believe in it. You believe that you are hurt by someone rejecting you, you believe that you are rejectable. You believe that what you fear is scary because you feel powerless in the face of whatever that thing represents.

In the end, Wicca is all about challenge. It’s about challenging yourself to move outside your comfort zones, to listen to the most opposing view point you can find and see if you can see yourself through that viewpoint without losing one ounce of love for yourself. It’s about challenging your heart and your spirit to expand beyond where they are today and embracing what they can become.

But I find more and more that the people who seek Wicca as a religion don’t really WANT to be endlessly challenged. They want to master some sub-set of what is out there and then relax into their own pool of “see? I’m right.” Remember, there is no right and wrong in Wicca. There are only consequences of our choices. And if you believe that your choices are right, then you have faced your challenges and risen to love yourself enough to overcome them.

However, you are not done. You must continue to seek out and accept challenges in your life. This is how you feed the engine of the universal energies. Laying back and accepting the pool of “rightness” is akin to dying. Perfection is death.

So as you go off on your journey to discover and label these shadows, as you fall into bed every night and assume that you just can’t do one more thing, as you curl up and accept the hellish world that you may find yourself in remember something: you created it. So if you want to get out of it, then you need to get up and go face the challenge that is blocking your way You need to accept responsibility for putting it there, or not working hard enough to prevent it from being there… and you need to start working to remove it.

If that removal means facing fears, then so be it. If it means letting go of “rightness” in exchange for the discomfort of unknowing, then so be it.

But never, ever accept that being Wiccan is about being unchallenged and being “right”.